Monday, December 30, 2002

Being that it's the end of the year, I guess it would be fitting to do a "year in review" type thing. So let's review, shall we? The most surprising thing about 2002: the Angels won the World Series. Who the hell saw that coming? It better not happen again, because the rally monkey has replaced the Tomahawk chop as the most annoying sports gimmick. Wait, who am I kidding? The chop is still #1. Hey, good thing that silly recession is over, huh? Oh, wait, it's not. Get some ruby slippers, you'll be better off. Those analysts don't know shit. Osama. Dead? Alive? I say dead, but his identical twin we've never heard of comes back to avenge his brother's murder. Bush says he's gonna invade Iraq. Way to keep things quiet, Dubya. So the UN sends weapon inspectors to look for something there, but not before giving Sadam a few weeks to hide his weapons in Saudi Arabia or Iran, or maybe France. Can't trust those Frenchies. The Winter Olympics. Yes, that was this year. Yes, I'm sure. Bloomberg outlaws smoking everywhere. The only way to smoke now is in your basement, under a blanket, with the lights off and your head in a box. And the smokers want me to pity them. Don't hold your breath. The almost transit strike: made "contingency plan" a household phrase. Maybe the union wouldn't threaten to strike if the MTA didn't have to paint every subway station every week. Those "wet paint" signs are everywhere. Ya know how much paint costs? They'd save a lot. The first human clone: gotta be a hoax, that kid wouldn't have lived this long, though it just happened a few days ago. And the mother cloned herself, talk about being egotistical. She's so great the world deserves another of her? What did she do? Oh yea, she gave birth to the first clone.


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