Thursday, February 13, 2003

On the case This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock radio of perhaps 12 new things to look out for in my personal war on terror. I realize now that I'm on a mission. I am agent Jack Bauer. Cyanide gas in the subways was my first warning. Lucky for me, cyanide bombs always contain the words "THIS IS A CYANIDE BOMB" in big bold letters on the side. So I know exactly what I'm up against. However, that is just something the government says is a possibility. God only knows what would be in a package that said "THIS IS A BOX OF ANTHRAX." Also, my dad brought home not 1, but 2, yes 2 boxes of Wheaties cereal. He didn't waste his money on duct tape and bottled water. He knows what we need to succeed. Olympic gold medalist Sarah Hughes was on neither box. But on the bright side, both boxes came with Hot Wheels cars inside. I didn't even have to dig through the cereal, they were in separate bags next to the cereal bags. End transmission...


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