Sunday, August 17, 2003

BLACKOUT A HOAX Was Just Test Run For Mayor’s New Project The “Blackout of 2003,” which left New Yorkers without power for almost 48 hours this week, was a fake, officials say. The lack of power Thursday and Friday was a practice run for Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s newest proposition, “the ban of electricity.” “Electricity is a disgusting habit that leaves your clothes smelling bad and your teeth yellow,” said Bloomberg. “Plus, if you live under power lines, you’re probably screwed up somehow. If we ban electricity, it’ll greatly improve our quality of life. Just look at how awesome the Amish are.” Other New Yorkers didn’t share the same enthusiasm for the mayor’s new idea. “What is he, f#!%in crazy?” asked Paula Reynolds of Jamaica, Queens, when she heard of the hoax. “He is so not getting reelected,” said Jack Harris, a kinda weird looking guy from Greenwich Village. “That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard, and I was living here when Dinkins was mayor.” The proposed ban of electricity follows Bloomberg’s ban of smoking that made it illegal to smoke in bars, clubs, restaurants, houses, museums, bodegas, malls, smoke shops, nursery schools, gas tanks, whorehouses, and anywhere else you can think of with more then 3 people in attendance. Smoking therefore is still allowed at Shea Stadium. The mayor has more bans in store for the coming months, including a ban of water, a ban of ugly people, and a ban of throwback sports jerseys. “Those old Houston Astros just have to go,” said Bloomberg.


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