Pay attention here people

Along with the holiday season comes your usual inflow of Christmas stuff. Lights, trees in your house, trees in your house with lights on them, and eggnog. I think I covered everything there, except of course holiday gift guides. Every year I see these gift guides in newsapers and magazines and think, "I hope someone gets me a few of these new technological gadgets. A digital camera or MP3 player would sure be swell." Okay, I don't exactly talk like Jerry Mathers, but you get the idea. Gift guides usually have cool things in them. The problem here lies in one simple area: no one buying me gifts is looking at these same gift guides. The stuff I get must be in the Macy's Extreme Sweater Guide, and that's where many of my presents will originate for all eternity. It doesn't even have to be anything that expensive; a DVD or CD or plasma screen TV is fine. But the sweaters must end, and end swiftly they must. I've also received a lot of pajama bottoms for Christmas. Each year it seems I get at least another pair. Obviously there's a rumor going around that I sleep wearing only a shirt, and that just isn't true. Sometimes I wear a hat as well. So the moral here is easy: No to sweaters and pajama pants (which I have seen labeled as "dorm pants," but don't be fooled, it's another cunning marketing ploy). Yes to things in gadgety gift guides. Although don't just get me or a loved one or me any gadget cuz there's a lot of stupid crap out there that never should have been invented in the first place. Digital camcorder: excellent. Laptop: very nice. George Foreman Grill: I'll allow it. Electronic cheese grader: maybe the sweater isn't so bad.