Thanks, But No Thanks

I have been pushed by constantly nagging forces to send out thank you cards for graduation presents received last month. Of all the made up holidays and "heard you had diarrhea"-type cards people presumably buy, thank you cards are the most useless of all to me. You've likely thanked the person when you were handed the gift, and if it was mailed, I'd rather just call them and say "thanks" or say it the next time I see them, assuming it isn't like 7 years later. But no, society urges me to send a paper messenger to do my bidding, to kiss the ass of the gift giver. You don't see homeless guys sending out thank you cards when you give them money. And who even keeps a thank you card for more than 9 seconds? You don't even have to open it. You know what it is from the small envelope and return address. If you do take the time to cut that sucker open, you read it and toss it in the garbage. "You better be thankin' me," you say. Birthday and Christmas cards at least have a short shelf life, that is so insecure freaks like myself can show off how many friends they have.