Suck on This, Bob Costas

In my bid to bring even more Olympics coverage to the world, I've been, well, writing about the Olympics. Technically I don't think I'm allowed to use the word "Olympics" or I can be sued by people claiming to bring all nations together in the name of peace and camaraderie. I have to use the much more generic "Games," so not to confuse anyone I won't talk about Hungry Hungry Hippos, Operation, or Connect Four til after the so-called Games are over. CAUTION: SPOILER AHEAD Michael Phelps, a guy no one heard of a week ago but was expected to win 8 gold medals just so there would be something to talk about, won the bronze in the "Race of the Century," which is definitely what they'll still be calling it 4 days from now. Taking the gold was Ian Thorpe of Australia, whose nickname is, get this, Thorpedo. Wow. It goes without saying that's what he calls his wang. But let's hope he's not pals with Nicky Hilton's new husband Todd Meister, cuz that's just a bad wingman team waiting to happen.