Monday, May 31, 2004

Trophy Husband

The last widow of a Civil War vet died today at age 97. She married the rich veteran when she was 21 and he was 81. Then two months after he died, she maried his grandson. This woman had to be like Michael Jordan to Anna Nicole Smith. Probably had posters of her in her room as a teenager.

Friday, May 28, 2004

Part of This Complete Breakfast

Kerry should just use his stiff image and run with it. Maybe people will like him for it afterall. And there's a good chance for cross-promotion.

Thursday, May 27, 2004


Did anyone see that speech Al Gore made yesterday? Such flair, such emotion. That Gore could've been president. He should loosen Kerry up a little, and I can't believe that's the case.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Express Train to Played Out Ville

OK, we've all got to stop now with the whole "whatever happens in such and such a place, stays in such and such a place" saying. It's usually used for Vegas and Cancun, but recently I heard Laura Bush use it in reference to the White House. When you hear the First Lady using teenage jargon, you know it's over. Let's just leave it and wait for the next catchy phrase that comes along. I'm proud that we were all able to forget "Show me the money!" and "Wazzuuppp!", and I know we can do it again. For the kids.

One Lawsuit of Many

Courtney Love Pleads Guilty Say it ain't so, Courtney. Say it ain't so. How fucked up is her daughter gonna be? Her dad kills himself and her mom's a junkie. She'll either be a cynical poet who becomes a farmer or a boozehound who sells black and white photos on the subway or a U.S. Senator.

Monday, May 24, 2004

The Trumpet

Bush tonight gave the five steps for Iraqi sovereignty. Strangely they were the same steps given in 'Mambo #5.'

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Put Out That Flame

I really don't want New York to win the right to hold the 2012 Olympics. We're in the final five, and I hope we get kicked to the curb like an 'American Idol' reject or the new spinoff 'Joey.' If we do have the Olympics here, there are gonna be even more people than usual and they'll use us like a square of toilet paper. Give it to Paris. I'll wind up having to go *shutter* upstate. And the Jets get a new stadium out of it? Yea, a state of the art arena deserves to be home to the New York Jets, sure. Then we'll all chip in for a new Expos stadium.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Aaron Spelling Must Be Proud

Luke Perry Declared a Hero After Theater Catastrophe

Sunday, May 16, 2004

"If you don't have it, I can understand, because I don't have it"

The Ballad of Sonny Payne Yea Sonny Payne! F train represent!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

He Can Buy a Lot of Tie-Dye Shirts Now

Rupert from Survivor won the viewer-voted million dollars. A rich hippie. There's something new.

Rumsfeld Does Iraq

MSNBC - Rumsfeld makes surprise visit to Baghdad What is he doing? Does he want to get in on all this prisoner abuse action? Didn't know Rummy liked it like that. I'd like to see him pointing at the crotch of an Iraqi with a bag over his head. Maybe he's just going on a PR mission, aka going somewhere people can't tell him to resign in English.

Sunday, May 09, 2004

A Most Unique Dining Experience

I went to eat yesterday at this Italian place called Dominick's (as if you thought a place called "Dominick's" would be Chinese) on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx. This particular eatery had no menus and no prices anywhere. You walk in, they ask you how many people you are, give you a number, and tell you to go upstairs and drink at the bar until your number is called. We looked around and ordered things we saw other people were eating. At the end of the meal, our waiter just says, "OK, $92." No way of verifying the amount, just pay the man. The guy could make it up if he didn't like you. Good food though.

Friday, May 07, 2004

Bland Finale Apparently last night was the last episode of 'Friends.' I wish I had known, the press hardly made an effort to get the word out. I was told the monkey from the first season came back and butchered the six friends like cattle. The DVD is supposed to come out Tuesday, but I can't wait that long!

Untangled Looks like they aren't going to put the logos on the bases now. See, I knew this site could make a difference.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

They Go Together Like Chocolate and Sand Major League Baseball has made a deal to put 'Spider-Man 2' logos on the bases during interleague games in mid-June to make some extra cash and promote the movie. I think this is a great. I mean, it's a thoughtful idea that MLB will help plug this independent film that no one has heard anything about for the last two years. 'Spider-Man 2,' or whatever it's called, sounds like it could be a good movie and I'm glad it will get the chance to show the world what it can do. After all, I don't anyone has even heard of the first 'Spider-Man' film. It probably made next to nothing at the box office, so hopefully this event will get the word out. Plus whenever I watch baseball, I'm always keeping an overhead view of the bases just in case they surprise me with a logo of some kind one night. Now it appears that my efforts will be worthwhile on June 11-13. But seriously, they did this to attract young kids to baseball. The same kids who at baseball games are sleeping and concentrating solely on eating ice cream in a little helmet. I guess the mascots, promotional giveaways, and souvenir balls are not cutting the mustard.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Ole Happy Cinco de Mayo. Mexicans all over are celebrating this holiday by trying to illegally enter the United States.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Traffic and Weather Together Channel 4's helicopter crashed in Flatbush, Brooklyn today on an apartment building. It was patrolling a shooting, which is almost as rare in Flatbush as an NBC helicopter crashing. Seriously though, this is the third time Chopper 4 has crashed. Makes you wonder if the company that makes NBC's helicopters makes the Black Hawks going down in Iraq.

Monday, May 03, 2004

Justice with a Side of Freedom Bill Gates got fined $800,000 for investing in a pharmaceutical company because he bought too much of its stock without proper notification. I like this idea of suing rich people. Let's keep it up. He won't miss it, he'll just have to wipe his ass with 50's from now on.

Saturday, May 01, 2004

Great Night in Television History Last night on 'Nightline,' Ted Koppel read the names of all the soldiers killed in Iraq. I didn't watch it, and no disrespect to the troops, but that show was 40 minutes long. I've gotten bored at my own graduations hearing names read out loud. I'd rather see a memorial built instead of the most depressing roll call ever. Maybe 'Nightline' could do an all-access look at a glass of water evaporating next week.