Friday, December 31, 2004

Happy Same Year

Happy New Year to all, even though the next 365 days will probably be full of more bad movies, reality shows, Bush making a mockery of English and the English making a mockery of Bush, celebrity weddings, celebrity divorces, corporate scandals, and this site making fun of it all. Yup, can't wait for 2005.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Gone Hollywood

Blockbuster is now threatening a hostile takeover of competitor Hollywood Video. I guess they want to have as many stores as possible losing customers to Netflix. They've got nowhere to go but down now that they're getting rid of late fees, since that's where most of their money came from. I think everyone who's ever had to pay extra charges to Blockbuster will feel strong satisfaction when they finally shut off the theft sensors for good.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Peace, for now

Ahh, it's finally over. Now a week of returning merch culminating with wild drinking to kick off another year of drinking.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Makin' the Yuletide Gay

I think one of the most trite sayings you see in holiday specials and to homeless people is "After all, it's Christmas." Normally, Charlie Brown's tree would go undecorated and that hobo's belly absent of gin, but people find it in their hearts to do something for others once a year because, after all, it's Christmas. If that's the only reason you'd treat another person equally, well, you're a sad individual. Maybe you're thinking, "Hey, I'd really like to burn down that hospital full of orphans and three-legged puppies, but after all, it's Christmas, so I'll do it next week." You saint, you. Just remember how many trees are lying on the curb on December 26th. The Christmas cheer runs out with the eggnog.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Last Minute Gift Idea

I like how these old Chia pet commercials are still being shown and they refer to them as the "new pet." You're not fooling anyone, especially when the Clapper ad comes on right afterward. Then they tell me it's available at Rite Aid, like I couldn't wait to find out where they sell those grassy relics and otherwise would spend the remainder of my years scouring the earth for one. Maybe I'm just bitter cuz I never got a Chia pet.


I've been highly sporadic with my posts as of late. Don't know if it's just boredom with the news or the business of the season of holidays. There was that suicide bombing in Iraq yesterday, but there's always people getting killed there and it gets tiring to see. You expect it and so it isn't that shocking, really since we aren't there. It's sorta like the New York Giants the last seven weeks. On a brighter note, I can't wait till Christmas is over. Enough is enough, right? Same spiel every year. It's time to exploit a new holiday. I've always had a thing for Secretary's Day.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Poor Choice of the Year

President Bush was named Time magazine's Person of the Year, for "reframing reality to match his design." I guess that's what they're calling failure these days. I think a much better choice would've been Janet Jackson. She reframed the Super Bowl halftime show and brought on a controversy that was at times bigger than the war in Iraq. Maybe if it had happened later in the year.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Did Charles Manson Write That One?

There are a lot of Christmas songs out there, and most of them have very poorly written lyrics. Moreover, of all the songs being played over and over on WPLJ, I think the worst line of any Christmas song belongs to "Little St. Nick" by the Beach Boys. It's the backup during the chorus where someone says, "Christmas comes this time each year" (take a second to remember how it goes). Must be Captain Obvious singing that line. Really, Christmas now? I had no idea. I never learned how to use a calendar. Might as well just say, "These are words in a song we made." They probably did that whole holiday album on coke anyway.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

The Manure Truck Has Hit the Fan

More bad news for Bernie Kerik. News has now surfaced that he once returned a mug to a store after he said it was broken before he bought it, when he actually dropped it on his kitchen floor after bringing it home. Shame on you, Bernie. Shame on you.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Secret Weapon

A U.S. passenger flight arrived in Vietnam today, the first since the end of the Vietnam War. I was watching a TV news report on this story and who was the first guy off the plane? David Fucking Hasselhoff. I swear. If we had done that 30 years ago, I think the VC would've bowed down to us.


One day, "X to the Z" Xzibit is going to show up at someone's doorstep, ring the bell, the door will open, and he'll rob their ass.

Thursday, December 09, 2004


SOLDIER: Pardon me, Mr. Rumsfeld, but why are our vehicles so ill-equipped?
RUMSFELD: You got a problem with tha way we do bidness? I'll take you on, beyotch! I'll go terror alert level red on your ass!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

This Dick Won't Quit

Dick Clark is in the hospital after suffering a stroke. He says he's still going to try to host "New Year's Rockin' Eve" this December 31st, and I'm sure he will. What people don't realize is that Dick Clark died six years ago but has a Weekend At Bernie's sorta thing goin on. It may look like he's alive, except that you can't see Jonathon Silverman and Andrew McCarthy moving his arms and legs around. Why else do you think nobody's seen them in years?

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


Wineries in Michigan and New York are trying to change laws preventing wine to be sold online outside their states. Liquor wholesalers argue that minors would take advantage and buy wine over the Internet. What 18-year-old is gonna buy wine? Do you ever remember being in high school and bringing a bottle of Merlot to a house party? I think not. At 18, you're goin for beer and anything that can be done in shot form. There's always an older brother or fake ID to get you in the door. Some people just can't carry a decent argument.

Dirty HoR

The House today approved that new intelligence reform bill. That's just great news for me, since I have that bill on my fantasy team. I think it's gonna go all the way.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Get Us Some More Cash, Kerik

"Look, Dennis Franz! I think I see some terrists taking pictures of us with a super terrist camera."