Hold My Hamburger

Being that the song is currently stuck in my head, I'm gonna put in my two cents on the Burger King commercial with Darius Rucker (aka "Hootie," though if you call him that to his face he might kill you at this point). It's visually appetizing, with bright colors and Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders shaving some dude. It's a mixture of The Wizard of Oz, cowboys, McDonaldland, slutty women, and some people you'd expect to see in the next edition of The Surreal Life. The lyrics are very odd. I never thought I'd hear the words "breasts they grow on trees" in a song, but alas, my dream has come true (sadly, as shown in the ad, they're chicken breasts). Frankly, I think it's great, except for the humiliation in the eyes of Mr. Rucker. You can see his soul crying if you look hard enough. And though people may ask, "What happened to his career?", at least he's getting work. I see him occasionally on VH1 and think of that "Are you Hootie?" line when I see Cuba Gooding, Jr. and that's about the extent of his publicity. Has Hootie and the Blowfish sold out Giants Stadium recently? I don't think so. This is the best thing to happen to him since Cracked Rear View came out.