A Post Not About 24

As he stated on the witness stand, Macaulay Culkin was not molested by Michael Jackson. What does this mean exactly? Is Macaulay Culkin the gold standard of child molestors? Surely if Jacko could resist him, there's no way he'd settle for any other boy. Ground chuck over filet mignon? No siree, Bob. Someone should just swing a paint can tied to a rope at MJ's lawyers.