What if he's blind? Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most confused rodent, "says" six more weeks of winter. Also, after learning he saw his shadow, millions asked the person next to them, "Now, when he sees the shadow, which one is it again?" However the local groundhog, Staten Island Chuck, begs to differ. Today he unveiled a device he had been building in his hole for the last year to push the Earth six weeks ahead in orbit, giving us instant spring by tomorrow. In conclusion, no one should give a damn. The End.