Get These People a Book With Real Names

Julia Roberts had her twins yesterday in LA. Not to be outdone by other celebrities giving their children horrible, schoolyard abuse-ridden names, she named the boy and girl Phinnaeus and Hazel. At least I've heard of Hazel, but it should only be given to women 70 or older looking for a nice new old lady name. But I commend her for not naming the kid "Emma." However, Phinnaeus? Sounds like a pirate or a drill bit company. And since his mom played a hooker in a movie, he'll no doubt hear "Phinnaeus' mom is a whore!" throughout childhood. Jesus, just typing that name is an adventure. No name should have three vowels in a row.