Subgay Series This weekend, the Yankees are playing the Mets in yet another Subway Series. These games sell out every time, but they aren't as exciting as they used to be. For one thing, the Mets suck. They've lost the previous 5 games to the Yanks this year. They should try something interesting, like letting their bat boys hit or making that apple in Shea's center field rise out of the hat whenever a Met, past or present, gets arrested for cocaine possesion. Or get Armando Benitez to retire a batter. Bragging rights are hardly at stake when the team in first keeps beating the team in last. If these teams met in the World Series it would be cool, but interleague play kinda takes something away from that. Then again, there's a better chance of an Angels repeat then the Mets making it to October.

Ticket Blitz Still Out of Control BROOKLYN, New York (Reuters)- A Brooklyn man was issued a traffic ticket today for making a left turn at an intersection where a "No Left Turn" sign was posted. "Clearly this ticket blitz is getting out of hand," said Mr. M, who wished to remain anonymous. "I mean, the sign was right there, and a cop gave me a ticket for violating just what the sign intended." The ticket was issued at 86th Street and 5th Avenue in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Mr. M also said he would fight the infraction. He then proceeded to hit the sign with a large hammer before ripping the ticket to shreds.

Jenn, it is time Here's another sequel coming out soon. It's about my friend Jenn turning the big 2-1 today. Happy Birthday.

Seeing green Word around town is that the new Hulk movie isn't very good. The Hulk, as you may already know, is this big strong green thing that has the power to destroy whatever gets in its way. I'm almost positive nothing like that exists in real life.

Why is this not in the Village Voice? Hey, everyone! It's Friday and the next Harry Potter book goes onsale at midnight tonight. Why not come on down to Manhattan for.... A Harry Potter/Foot Fetish Party! Harry Potter parties are going on all over the globe today, so why not give it a foot fetish twist, for all those kinky wizards out there! At: Union Square Barnes and Noble, 11 PM Feel free to bring brooms, witch hats, white owls, potions, apple juice and those gorgeous feet of yours!

Fugheddabodit An Ohio truck driver with ties to Al-Qaeda has pleaded guilty to felony charges, officials say. The rat bastard was trying to destroy the Brooklyn Bridge! But what kind of country are we living in when we can't even depend on truck drivers to like America?

Movin' on up I started training for my new job on Monday. First I had to go to orientation, so me and about 7 others walked into this room with a table that had the new employee manuals in front of each chair. It felt kinda cool, like a your-mission-if-you-choose-to-accept-it type thing. But I'll be working in a bank, so I guess it's really not that top secret.

"Debacle-ism" Yes, that's the president. And yes, that's him falling off a Segway scooter, which is designed to NOT FALL OVER. In terms of attempting to look cool, this totally cancels out the time he landed that jet onto the aircraft carrier. Or destroyed Iraq.

"A couple living life on the edge"

Fashion Emergency I'm really sick of these fake vintage T-shirts all the stores seem to be selling. I was in Old Navy today and they really want you buy these dopey looking things with fake businesses on them, cuz I'm a big supporter of Jose's Taco Stand or Jimbo's Shrimp Castle or whatever stupid name they make up. They're not even real vintage, but they have the kinda faded print so it's supposed to make you think its vintage. Stupidity sells I guess.

Not pronounced "Ham-ass" Islamic militant group Hamas has reportedly broken talks with Palestine for a cease fire agreement. Question: Why would a terrorist group (i.e. Hamas) be negotiating a cease fire with anyone to begin with? They're a terrorist group! That's what they do! If they aren't terrorizing, that's kind of like declaring bankrupcy, and not in a Chapter 11, later reemerge kind of way. It makes sense for them to call off the talks, not that I encourage it though. But what would they do if they called a cease fire? Bake cookies? Make pottery? C'mon people.

So when does "Matrix Revolutions" come out again? And don't forget to pick up the original masterpiece in an all-new Overly-Hyped Edition on DVD!

Hell in a cell I did something yesterday that I thought I'd never do. I'm not talking about rooting for Roger Clemens to get win number 300, or any dirty thoughts you might have, naughty web surfer. I got a cell phone. Though I have a hatred for cell phones and people constantly on cell phones, I think I can carry it around without looking like a total prick. It's a birthday present for myself, really. We'll see how it goes. I paid $25 for the phone, and it's a pretty nice one. I bet the guy who thought of giving out free phones is kicking himself by now. No one goes into a cellular store and says, "Nah, I don't wanna buy a phone, just bill me $40 a month for the next two years. I'll even sign a contract promising to do it." Ya gotta have the phone first. They're losing money. It doesn't have a camera in it, either, which is good. It's bad enough everyone asks you where you are on your phone. I don't have to show them. I'm always last to join a trend, if I join it at all (still haven't bought faded jeans, and proud of it). Wouldn't be surprised if everyone suddenly abandons cell phones for tin cans tied with string.