Moving on to More Important Matters

Terri Schiavo finally kicked the bucket. That leaves the media with more time to focus on the Michael Jackson trial! Hooray!

Johnnie Cochran Dead!

Getting OJ off Scott free had to take a toll on him.

24: Between 9 PM and 10 PM

Is Behrooz really a good trade for Jack Bauer? A CTU agent who's saved the world on numerous occasions for a junior terrorist who can't even kill his own girlfriend? Maybe Marwan should've thrown in a couple of inapt guards, or a suicide bomber to be named later. Next week they'll likely unveil the "surprise" attack on Air Force One. This week's drinking game: do a shot whenever someone in CTU tells everyone else to "pool your resources."

24: Between 7 PM and 8 PM

The show borrowed a move straight out of a horror movie when a seemingly dead guy part of the McLennan-Forster on-call army came back to life to shoot Paul, who took the bullet for Jack. We'll see now if Audrey goes back to him now that he's all full of boo-boos. How does a corporation hire mercenaries to kill a federal agent, you may ask? I guess they're in the Yellow Pages. Plus it does happen in real life: Halliburton has the United States Army.

Banana in Pajamas

Sleepover, yay!

24: Between 6 PM and 7 PM

Jack finally made a trip to the company, McLennan-Forster, which built the override device. Wouldn't you have gone to the company right away to find out how to gain control over it? Although I guess something called "the Override" can't be overtaken so easily. Michelle arrived at the end of the episode. She'll be the new permanent replacement for the head of CTU, which means Tony was in charge for less than an hour and has to relinquish power to his former love. It may seem like a quick replacement, but things happen fast when the entire season takes place in one day.

Hold My Hamburger

Being that the song is currently stuck in my head, I'm gonna put in my two cents on the Burger King commercial with Darius Rucker (aka "Hootie," though if you call him that to his face he might kill you at this point). It's visually appetizing, with bright colors and Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders shaving some dude. It's a mixture of The Wizard of Oz, cowboys, McDonaldland, slutty women, and some people you'd expect to see in the next edition of The Surreal Life. The lyrics are very odd. I never thought I'd hear the words "breasts they grow on trees" in a song, but alas, my dream has come true (sadly, as shown in the ad, they're chicken breasts). Frankly, I think it's great, except for the humiliation in the eyes of Mr. Rucker. You can see his soul crying if you look hard enough. And though people may ask, "What happened to his career?", at least he's getting work. I see him occasionally on VH1 and think of that "Are you Hootie?" line when I see Cuba Gooding, Jr. and that's about the extent of his publicity. Has Hootie and the Blowfish sold out Giants Stadium recently? I don't think so. This is the best thing to happen to him since Cracked Rear View came out.

Next Stop: '80s Pop Culture

I was on the N train today and had this conductor who sounded exactly like the Speak & Spell voice. Freaky. And then there was somebody eating McDonald's, which makes everyone else in the car hate that person for making them want fries. It should be like gum in school: you can't have any if you didn't bring enough for everybody. Between craving food Super Size Me said was bad and the Speak & Spell guy telling me which trains I could connect to, it made for a completely abnormal subway ride. Usually weirder crap than that happens.

"Up, Up, and Away" Face

I'm gonna start putting more links to stuff I think is funny on this site. Plus then I don't have to write as much. The link below is a "mash-up" of Office Space and Superfriends. And no, Jay-Z is not involved. This Place Sucks