The Whole Grain News Source Developed by NASA for a Post-9/11 World
The debate just ended, and I guess it went the way I expected it to. Bush tried to make it look like Kerry's a flip-flopper because he really has nothing to talk about except that and the awesomely awesome job he's doing with Iraq. Kerry could've jumped all over him but didn't, but he held his own. I still think Bush hasn't made one good reason that he should be re-elected and his main weapon is scaring Americans into voting for him. Not gonna work if you don't like NASCAR.
Conan is gonna replace Jay Leno as host of "The Tonight Show" in 2009. So we've only got 5 more years of Monica Lewinsky jokes and people who pretend to be stupid so they get on TV. Then it's all masturbating bears and leg-humping puppets! Hooray! That'll be cool, though. Then Jon Stewart gets "Late Night" and I will of course get the "Daily Show." Hey, we all need a five year plan.
Went to the free Green Day concert on a street in lower Manhattan last night. Had to go to J&R first to get a bracelet so I could get in, and then realized I didn't even need one, I could've just stood on the sidewalk. Once again the world makes sense. I also saw this kid there wearing a striped referee shirt. I don't know if he just got off work at Foot Locker or what, but he was standing on the brim of a mosh pit and it made him look like he was officiating. Not sure what he would call since the whole game is fouls, really. Oh, and the show was cool.
CBS finally got fined by the SCC for the Super Bowl halftime show. The going rate for a nipple is $550,000. That's $1,100,000 per rack! I didn't realize we lived in Iran. The fate of the world has not changed because we saw the goods. Everyone watches porn anyway.
Britney Spears got married on Saturday to backup dancer Kevin Federline, and if there's anything here to learn from Jennifer Lopez it's that marriages to backup dancers always last forever and ever. Britney still trails J.Lo 3-2. She wore a white dress and he wore a very elegant wife beater tuxedo. Afterwards, 20-30 guests dined on such delicacies as chicken fingers and ribs. Not to knock those choice foods, but I can see why only 20-30 people would show up for that. She's got money, she can afford something a little better on her wedding day. Perchance something from the McDonald's Dollar Menu or a few bags of Cheese Doodles. I guess she'll save that for her next wedding. You gotta hand it to Federline, though. He seems like a total deutsche bag, but he'll divorce her soon and get a nice payday. He's smarter than we think, y'all.
Last night I went to this trendy bar/lounge place and there was a replica of the Mona Lisa on the wall. It may seem like a hip Da Vinci Code kinda thing to do, but it can really be used as a sobriety test. If she starts to look attractive, stop drinking. You've had enough. As if the ridiculous drink prices at these spots aren't enough to make you wish you were the designated driver.
Has "Eye of the Tiger" been ruined for anyone else since that Starbucks commercial came out? Whenever I hear it now all I think of is "Glen Glen Glen!" or "Roy Roy Roy!" At least Survivor is getting work. And it's great publicity for guys with the unpopular names listed above.
Martha Stewart just cannot wait to go to jail now. She must look at it as a new project. Her mansion is done up and it's time for a fixer-upper. She said today that she'd miss her horses. I think knowing she has horses makes it even more enjoyable seeing her get locked up. It's like saying she'll miss her Rolls and piles of money.
Has anyone else downloaded this Weatherbug program? It's cool and all, but it goes a little overboard on the weather notifications. Last night it alerted me with noises and a flashing icon that it was going to be cloudy. At night. Like my solar panels were in danger of further weakening.
It's so hard to find a Flash site these days with no intro page. I mean, who needs a freakin intro page? If I found your site, there's a good chance I have some idea of it and even if I don't there's an "FAQ" or "about us" page somewhere to clue me in. And they always put the "skip intro" button in the corner and half the time you can't read it because of a weird Flash font it's in. The worst is when you're constantly going to that site and you have to watch the intro every time, or you keep shitting your pants when the intro music you forget about comes on. Flash sites are way more annoying anywho. It's like a guy buying a fast car to make up for his lack of manhood. This site is all HTML, ladies. Think about that.
Andy Roddick, the No. 2 ranked tennis player in the world, was defeated yesterday by good fashion sense after wearing a horrific-looking shirt at the U.S. Open.I caught the first episode of Joey tonight. It was so bad it made me miss Friends. The characters are dull and nothing seems to happen. Kinda like every sitcom NBC has put on the air since Seinfeld ended (except for Scrubs, of course).
Delta's going to cut more jobs, reduce pay, and shut down its Dallas hub. Like that's gonna help. All these airlines do nothing but piss away money on hot towels and mini Coke cans and whatever else. And Jetblue's expanding, so it's somewhat apparent that Delta has no idea what it's doing. But I'll bet another government bailout will work wonders!
I saw a newspaper listing for Ellen Degeneres' talk show this morning and it said "Author Pamela Anderson" would be on. Not "Baywatch babe" or "Tommy Lee sex video" Pam Anderson. So why would I watch? And "writing" one book with a ghostwriter does not make you an author. Just ask Paris Hilton.
So Bubba needs heart bypass surgery. Doctors told him this after he said he was experiencing chest pains. I'm sure Hillary wasn't even in the room at the time.
The DVD of The Passion of the Christ sold over 4 million copies on Tuesday, its first day of release. There are some great bonus features on it, like a hilarious blooper reel, a "sword time" featurette, and an alternate ending where Jesus and Danny Glover team up to stop Pontius Pilate's illegal drug ring. Sounds heavenly.
There are lots of places to get the news, and there are lots of places to get the news with a twist of humor, but here you get all that from the blog of a smartass from Brooklyn. And it's updated (semi)regularly.
