24: Day 6, 6 PM - 7 PM

Ricky Schroder joins the cast! The former child actor is a real dick, too - choking Morris after dishing out his British charm. He could be Curtis' replacement as Jack's right-hand man.

Tonight's episode was good at the ends but slow in the middle. The whole show was spent waiting to see if CTU would attack the Russian consulate or if Martha Logan-Pierce would call Suvarov's wife and tell the consul to surrender. When she called two minutes after stabbing President Logan and Markov refused, it was a no brainer. Conclusion: Jack is freed, tells CTU that Gredenko is in the Shadow Valley, and rolls out with Schroder. Logan flatlines in the ambulance.

24: Day 6, 3 PM - 4 PM

Just when Phillip had the chance to take out Jack he vanishes. Now Jack has to meet with his old pal President Logan (pardoned like his doppelganger Nixon?) to try and catch Gridenko. Lennox wound up getting involved in the assassination plot to thwart it but was beaten with the lead pipe in the storage room by Mr. Lowe before he could warn the Secret Service. Tonight's newly-revealed back story: Morris is a recovering alcoholic.

24: Day 6, 1 PM-3 PM

Good two hours tonight. Morris was rescued but not before arming one nuke and giving Fayed the ability to set off the others. Strange, because for the first bomb they needed a piece of hardware to complete the device, and this time Fayed needed the software programmed. Also, not five minutes the kidnapping did Milo tell Buchanon that Chloe was not concentrating on her work as a result. Nobody likes a micromanager. The ties between Phillip Bauer, the Russian arms dealer, and Lennox and his assistant also seem to be coming together in a plot to kill the president. Best of all - no Sandra Palmer for two hours!

Why Al Gore Should Be the Next President

All the attention lately for the 2008 presidential election (which we shouldn't even be talking about yet) has gone to Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Rudy Giuliani, and a cavalcade of other knowns and unknowns. The best candidate, however, is a movie star, and I don't mean Arnold. Al Gore is the man for the job. Sure, he's thought of as that dull, tree-hugging vice president who got robbed of the presidency by cataract-laden geezers. However, with his Oscar-nominated film An Inconvenient Truth bringing to light the facts about global warming and Bush's approval rating in the shitter, he's never had more of an "I told you so" aspect to him. This is Gore's chance to come out of the shadows and ride his newfound popularity to the Oval Office. If Gore had been president, there's no way our troops get stuck in Iraq. He could reap a huge sympathy vote from Americans feeling bad that he was shafted in 2000. He's also a Southern Democrat, which is likely the only way the hicks will elect a non-GOP candidate. Plus, do you really want Hillary to be president?

24: Day 6, 12 PM-1 PM

They kidnapped Morris! Fayed, needing someone to arm the nukes, sends CTU a bulletin saying Morris' brother was in the hospital. Not a minute after he leaves does his face show up on a de-encrypted file as the guy Fayed has to capture. McCarthy cuts off Morris' car and kidnaps him. I'm not sure why CTU didn't trace the source of the bulletin. Do they subscribe to news updates from The Onion, too? After killing Graem's goons, Jack and his dad, Phillip, meet CTU agents at Graem's place. Jack tortures his brother with chemicals via IV, who admits to setting up the assassination of President Palmer I, Tony, and Michelle. Jack nearly shoots Graem in the head when he hears this, but seeing his dad there calms him down. Jack then gets picked up by a helicopter. Later it's revealed that Graem and Phillip (or should I call him "Mr. Bauer"?) are still in cahoots. Bauer the Elder then injects a poison into the still-hooked-up IV and kills Graem. This was so he wouldn't have to worry about his son cracking under further interrogation at CTU. Phillip alerts the medical staff that his son's "had a seizure." Sure, the IV could've been the first thing removed, but left open the door for additional mischief. Two hours next week, starting at 8 instead of 9. Oh yeah, and Walid's stable.

24: Day 6, 11 AM-12 PM

More drama (since this is a drama) - Jack and his dad are taken hostage by his brother and his goons, Karen Hayes resigned after being blackmailed by Lennox, and Walid was beat up after the other men in the concentration camp found out he was wearing a wire. The Jack vs. Graem battle should be good, although in the preview for next week Graem was back in the chair in his house tied up my Jack again. The previews always ruin the tension; they should just stop showing them, or I should just change the channel. Sandra Palmer is definitely getting on my nerves. She's overacting and her character is annoying.

24: Day 6, 10-11 AM

So now it's a family affair. The head of President Logan's secret brain trust winds up being Jack's brother. Interesting. Jack's AWOL father is also a contact of a USSR nuke specialist with ties to Fayed. More interesting. The hour ended with Jack draping a plastic bag over his brother's face after he tying him to a chair, prodding his bro for the location of their dear old dad. Oh yeah, nuclear fallout, blah blah blah.

24: Day 6, 8-10 AM

A nuke went off and Jack shot Curtis. Nukes don't usually go off so early in the season, but there are still four others out there that Jack will have to find. They're likely all in the LA area just because Jack's there. It wouldn't have happened if that idiot hadn't brought the terrorists the missing piece. There's always a missing piece, isn't there, and only one guy who knows how to install it? Curtis keeled over after he was shot but there was no official word that he was dead, so there's a chance he could still be alive and be back out in the field later in the day. He had a personal vendetta against Assad going back to the first Gulf War and was ready to kill him, so Jack had to step in. Afterward, he vomited and lay in shock at what he had done to his friend. Creepy Lord of the Rings-ish music played and then a mushroom cloud pierced the sky.

24: Day 6, 6-8 AM

I can finally start watching good prime time television again -24 is finally back! Tonight's first half of the two-night premiere didn't introduce us to the main attack of the day but allowed us to catch up on what's happened since Jack was hauled away but those angry Chinamen:

• Wayne Palmer, David's brother, is now the president and suddenly has a sister
• The country has been hit by several suicide bombings over the last 11 weeks and is creating prejudice towards Muslims
• Jack was bought out of prison by President Palmer so he could be exchanged for the disclosure of a terrorist's location
• Taj from Van Wilder is a terrorist, but if he might lay it all down for a few White Castle sliders
• Karen Hayes, now a National Security advisor, and Bill Buchanon, still head of CTU, are married
• Morris is again working at CTU and dating Chloe
• Twenty months have passed since Day 5

No Audrey or Kim yet and there are several new faces working at CTU (since most people were killed off last season during a chemical attack). I don't buy Wayne Palmer as president. He looks too young and possibly benefited in the election by looking similar to Dave Chappelle, whom pretty much everyone loves. He also had a hand in taking down the corrupt President Logan. Since his brother was president, he was someone the public could trust. Here I am justifying a fake election result. Two more hours air tomorrow at 8.

Real Mission Accomplished

Well, W got what he wanted - Saddam's dead. What did you think this war was about, freedom? All it cost him was the House, Senate, the support of his party, billions of dollars, and the lives of thousands of American soldiers and Iraqis. I'm sure now his approval rating will skyrocket.

Manatee & A

In case you haven't checked out this hot manatee action: Hornymanatee.com

First, the Bad News...

Can't find a gift for that tough person on your list, like a 60-year-old aunt or the Mexican who leers at you on your way to work? Look no further than the Iraq Study Group Report! Wouldn't you want that special someone to know how screwed we are over there? One major problem over there is that the Iraqi police rarely show up for work. Something tells me they haven't been introduced to donuts yet. Most of police work is just sitting around anyway, so why not get paid for it? I think the first sentence of the introduction sums it up nicely: "There is no magic formula to solve the problems of Iraq." Translation: We have no freakin' clue what to do! You can also download the report for free at usip.org.

Great Googley Moogley

Google is buying YouTube for $1.65 billion in stock. I've got to get Google to buy this site. I think it's possible. Google, if your bots are patrolling, name your price. I'd probably get about $5 and a mousepad.

Will It Survive the Ratings?

Tonight was the premiere of the controversial season of Survivor where the tribes are divided by race. I never watch this show so I don't care, but since the tribes are split into whites, blacks, Asians, and Latinos, shouldn't they just name the tribes Crackers, Wetbacks, Chinamen and, uh, African Americans, instead of those stupid made up names? Go for broke, no?

Joe Schmo

So Lieberman loses the primary, concedes to Lamont, and then announces that he's going to run as an independent in the senatorial race anyway?  Thanks for wasting our time and money, Joe.  I guess that's the difference between parties these days: Republicans fix elections, Democrats just bypass them.